Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
