margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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