He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I just put wine in my tea
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
