My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
