trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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