At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
