i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
