The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
