Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
