i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
