I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
