his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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