Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
