I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
