Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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