one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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