thus making me awesome and them whores
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
