God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize