i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
