i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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