i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
