Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
