I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize