I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
