i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize