Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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