I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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