I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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