I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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