so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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