she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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