margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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