Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
