I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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