My room smells like vodka and shame
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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