Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
