My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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