even my farts smell like vagina
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
