I accidentally burped into my bong.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
