Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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