I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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