It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
