Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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