dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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