HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
