"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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