She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
