At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
