Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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