Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
