Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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