I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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