dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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