I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
