I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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