oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
