Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can I color on your dick again?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
