I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
