he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
