Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
