dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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