I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
