Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
