party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
