Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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