office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
