dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need a beard to bite.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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