Where did you get a picture of my penis
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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