ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
