U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
