sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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