You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
